Watch 'Idiocracy', for this is our future

The latest 'A' Level results have been announced, and, shock horror, there has been another increase in overall pass rates, despite a concerted effort to make the exams and courses more challenging. This means that there has been not one dip in the rising pass rates over the last 20 years. Now, there are 2 conclusions that can be reached from this. The first is that young Britons are mutating into a master race of the world, who will soon be escalated to the very pinnacle of society. In time, they will do away with speech altogether and instead use telepathy to communicate. They will also move things with their very minds. Us older and obviously developmentally challenged relics will be employed as slaves and human chairs. The other conclusion is that the qualifications are becoming easier.

Unfortunately, lots of people seem to believe that the former conclusion is more likely than the latter. There was a time when the 'A' in 'A' Levels referred to 'Advanced'. Now it seems to represent the average grade attained. 'A' levels have been devalued thoroughly over the last 20 years, to a point where the universities are left flummoxed by students receiving 'A' grades when they are, quite clearly, thick as Lily Allen's ankles. Prospective students often lack the rudimentary skills to wash their own clothes or brush their hair, let alone apply abstract thought to a conundrum. Thankfully the interviewing process normally sorts the adept from the retarded, so the complete gibbering loons have to settle for a job as a tube driver or Big Brother contestant.

Idiots assume that the current bunch of sixth formers are much more intelligent that a decade or so ago, despite the lack of any compelling evidence whatsoever. In fact both universities and workplaces regularly complain about the declining standards of basic literacy and numeracy. I found some frightening statistics on the BBC website which I may have re-contextualised slightly to demonstrate that improved 'A' level pass rates are inversely proportionate to actual intelligence.You may notice the lack of data post-2005: this is because the incumbent university students were no longer able to operate a computer with sufficient skill to perform the analysis required, and were instead given some crayons to play with.

A-LEVEL PASS RATE: UK LEVEL OF DIMNESS SMUGNESS LEVEL
2001: 89.6% Blink 182 Average
2002: 94.3% Plank Big smarmy grin
2003: 95.4% 5-watt bulbAnnoying
2004: 96.0% Jade Goody (then)Think their parents are dim because they did not pass 6 A/S levels in Media Studies
2005: 96.2% Jade Goody (now)The world owes them a living. The intellectually bleak shall inherit the Earth

A* at 'A' Level has now been introduced, which is pretty much an admission that they are broken. I see this cycle continuing in perpetuity. I predict by 2030 what would have been an A in 1980 would now look like this: A******************************************************************************************************

Some facts about how much clevarar the new generations is than what my lot was

4 comments:

  1. such a redneck

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  2. I think that you may have overlooked the main reason why A level pass rates have risen over the last 10/20 years. The Internet.

    Long gone are the days when kids actually had to go to the LIBRARY to study, all they have to do now is log on to Wikipedia and away they go. Wasnt like that in my day...:(

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  3. Charlie's right. Internet does give people more access to question paper answers. ;p

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