Name a funny Woman. Eddie Izzard doesn't count.

Last weekend I actually had to leave my house to go and 'socialise' with real actual people. I went to a comedy club thingy and watched some funny but immediately forgettable comedians. Actually, I watched 3 funny but immediately forgettable comedians, and one incredibly unfunny and memorable comedian. Shockingly, the unfunny one was a woman. She was terrible, delivering unfunny lines with all the commitment of Wayne Rooney to his missus. She had to make AIDS jokes to try and be funny, but even though the AIDS is hilarious, her jokes failed to resonate. There was no real laughter at all. The worst culprits were the girls in the audience who completely stonewalled her - What happened to all that solidarity bollocks? - leaving a brave handful of males to give the impression that she wasn't the worst comedian ever.

But then, no women are funny, unless they are drunkenly falling over on Big Brother or otherwise being incompetent or abusive on Big Brother. And then they are being laughed at, rather than with. But why are women not funny? And before you snap on your bonnet and jump under a horse, show me any evidence that they are. Of all the female comedians in the public eye, none are actually funny. I will prove why all these well-established 'comediennes' are about as funny as Matt Horne sans the fat bloke.

Dawn French
- not funny. dresses up as fat versions of normal people, and that's as far as the joke goes. Ha ha, she's like Harry Potter, but fat, mindblowing, LOL!

Jo Brand - jokes about being fat and ugly and men being rubbish. LOL, she knows the self-deprecation, genius!

Katy Brand - useless. Sounds like an annoying 10-year-old boy trying to be funny. Dresses up as fat versions of singers and does unfunny pastiches of their material. LOL, Kanye West uses an auto-tune, LOL!! Mental!

Catherine Tate - only funny act is a copy of Matt Lucas 'doing' Vicky Pollard, plus, she plays a gran who swears! LOL! Old people aren't supposed to swear but she does! Nuts!

Sarah Silverman - Potty-mouthed horse-faced yank. Ooh she talks about sex and rude stuff even though she is a woman, that must be LOL then!

Arabella Weir - she was the unfunny one off the Fast Show. She had the one joke that was 'Does my bum look big in this?" LOL! Women always ask that, what great observational humour! And a joke well worth telling in dozens of slightly different situations! And her bum was big as well, LOL double funny!

Smack The Pony - a female-only sketch show with one male supporting actor. You could always tell when the male was talking on account of his deeper voice and him actually being funny.

That mong one off Grange Hill and Extras - LOL she talks about having cerebral palsy and people thinks she's mad and things, mental and also brave/really funny as well!

So now I have provided my bucketload of irrefutable evidence, let's look at why the women are not funny. Perhaps it's because women don't have to develop a sense of humour in school. Boys get the shit kicked out of them unless they are the hardest or most mental in the year, so humour becomes an important defence mechanism. It's hard to put your boot through someone's face with any venom if you are laughing - go on, try it. More likely though it's because men don't have to be 'laughed into bed'. All women really need to do to get laid is turn up at a boozer with pretty much all limbs/teeth present and correct and someone will have propositioned them by the end of the night. Men have to jump through hoops to get some action which is what makes us so smart, hilarious and inventive. Women's brains just aren't stretched enough to master the art of comedy, but they do have boobs etc so be nice to them and most importantly, make them laugh!


  1. Awesome. Missed last post. Need a 'pre-BigLes' post to assert myself...

  2. What a faggot.