stupid cliched phrases people use that make me want to gouge their eyes out with a turd-encrusted spoon

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"

Bollocks it does. It makes you considerably weaker. If you have your arm ripped off by a bear then you are at least 25% weaker. You might have a story to tell, but try tying your shoelaces, retard. Moral of the story - don't try and have sex with bears. If you lose half your intestines cutting through your midsection with a chainsaw then you will only ever be able to enjoy modest portions of crappy food and your tree surgery days will be over. This phrase is nonsensical, stupid. But I can actually think of one person this does apply to - Robocop. But then I think he technically died. So in his case, what did kill him made him stronger (or the bits that weren't reduced to mush)

"You're worth your weight in gold"

All this does is unfairly reward Obese people, who as we all know should be executed, minced and fed to cows. For gold is worth quite a lot these days. Someone should have told Gordon Brown before he sold all of ours. Dick.

"It's the thought that counts"

Said by stingy gits when challenged over buying a cheap, tacky and often second hand Christmas present. No, it's not the thought, it's the money that counts, actually. But let's pretend for one minute that we are in a parallel universe where thought actually counts for anything at all and consider how much thought it requires to pick out a terrible piece of tat and bestow it on a dear friend or relative. Not much, really. Thought counts for jack. "Well I thought about coming into work today, so you can't fire me" See how far that attitude gets you.

"There's no 'i' in team"

but there is a 't' in twat. 2 in fact.So f**k off.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"

I think we can agree that this has been thoroughly debunked by all the teenagers who have topped themselves as a result of a bit of name-calling, whether it be through texting or one of the various available social networks. Bullying is so 21st century now. Some kids foolishly think uttering this defiant statement will somehow stop a bully in his tracks. But more often than not the bully will leave, and promptly return with sticks and stones. Never reveal your weakness. It would be like Superman saying "Let's have a fair fight, and NO Kryptonite"  to his adversaries.

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be"

So how do I go about getting my mortgage, you pious c**t

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