Everyone who has ever presented T4 is an utter twat

T4 is shown on Saturday and Sunday mornings on Channel 4. It really only exists to host the Hollyoaks Omnibus, a bit of Friends (worst show ever to grace television) and a collection of terrible live musical performances. Although not needed at all, there are normally 2 really cool presenters who introduce the programmes in as laid back and irritating a manner as possible. I have highlighted the most objectionable of these - a motley crew of reprobates who should be publicly flayed to death while being doused in grit and vinegar.

Alexa Chung

If her surname were 'Chang' then how much more fitting it would be. The girl never eats yet somehow seems to keep alive on vast quantities of Columbian marching powder and unicorn's tears. Labelled a fashionista because even model's clothes swamp her skeletal frame. Her head looks like it could snap off at any moment (If only)! Did some terrible shows in the USA which were summarily cancelled as they were even worse than the utter bilge that is T4.

Steve Jones

See The Steve Jones Special!

Simon Amstell

A horrible little vicious queen who is not, and never will be funny. Has the distinction of actually making Preston from big brother seem likeable, if only for the space of around 2 minutes. Type 'Cock' into google (with safe search on of course) and the first thing that should greet you ought to be a picture of Amstell's smirking gob with a fist rammed in it. An arse who will hopefully disappear from whence he came (somewhere posh and far too nurturing to his ego) soon.

June Sarpong

Owner of the must punchable face in human history, twinned with the worst voice ever. I have never managed to stay awake through a June Sarpong sentence. The CIA should sack off that warterboarding crap and get sarpong to chair the interrogations. A total non-entity, she fitted into the T4 family perfectly. Last seen playing herself in the dreadful Extras Christmas special. A fitting end to her ill-deserved career.

Miquita Oliver

How anyone can be so smug and overconfident while also being pudding-faced, chunky and ugly is beyond me. Oliver looks like a bag of mouldy spuds spattered in makeup yet still squeezes her generous frame into leggings and other ill-fitting clothes that only succeed in emphasising her ample bulk. Plus, she is an utter, utter, utter twat.

Vernon Kaye

What is it about Bolton and its ability to produce such utter bellends? Amir Khan, Peter Kay, Sarah Cockface, the list goes on. Vernon has never said anything funny, and that is a fact. The most interesting thing he ever did was allegedly cheat on his equally bland wife. An Oxygen thief with an accent that makes you want to ram a kipper down his gob. A lego-haired moron of the highest order.

Jameeelia Jameeelah

Or whatever she's called. Even more arrogant than Miquita, just where do C4 keep finding these arseholes?

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