People who walk slowly are stupid and I want to kill them all

People who walk slowly need to be killed because they are clearly stupid and thus killing them is as morally justifiable as slaughtering a cow. Slow walking people have no sense of urgency because they have no idea what they are doing. They set off for work in the morning only to seemingly forget what's going on mere minutes later. At this point they either slow down or grind to a halt altogether.

This behaviour normally happens at a human traffic bottleneck. People behind them then frantically dart side to side trying desperately to pass and catch their train or run away from the swiftly approaching meteor. There are 3 types of slow-walking person - these are 1) fat people 2) amputees and 3) able-bodied idiots. Only amputees should be allowed to walk slow as at least they have a disability and are not just stupid or have a pretend disability like a fat piece of shit.

Ways to address the issue of people walking slowly

- Sheepdogs

- Equip non-slow walking people with cattle prods to keep them moving

- Replace all paving slabs with hot coals

- Instruct slow walking people that they are no longer allowed to use the pavement and will have to use cycle lanes instead. This will mean that lots of them will be killed or injured (and hopefully a good proportion of cyclists too)

- Make them join a conga line with Usain Bolt at the front

- Use them to make a low-budget zombie film

- Cut their legs off - if they're not prepared to use them, they can't fucking have them

1 comment:

  1. I absolutely fucking love this post, finally someone who hates slow walking people as much as me. Some mighty fine ideas, if I ever became president those would be the first things on my agenda.