Catch me if you McCann

I wish both Kate and Gerry McCann would piss off. I'm so bloody bored about them and their attention-seeking behaviour. Their daughter was taken as a result of some opportunist arsehole rightly surmising that as so-called parents they were too busy socialising with their chums to bother with their kids. They left their very young children unattended in a foreign country in a ground floor apartment with open windows. But what should serve as a word of warning to all parents to not leave their toddlers unattended (Do they really need to be told that?) has instead been hijacked as a mystery of Lord-Lucanesque proportions, embedded in the national Psyche. There is no mystery here. Madeline McCann is in the ground somewhere. That is the painful truth. Kids get abducted, kids die. That is true in 99% of child abduction cases. After 24 hours, forget it. After 3 years? Dream on.

The McCanns have now written a book about 'that fateful night'. Apparently the proceeds will now go to the 'find Madeline' fund. They hope to raise 1 million pounds to achieve this and I wish them good luck in their venture. However, why the UK government is considering spending yet more taxpayer's money in a fruitless search for a likely long-dead child is beyond me. It would make more sense to spend money on recently-abducted children who have more than an infinitesimal chance of being recovered in one piece, but apparently that would be too callous; so those other children are left out of the spotlight, with their parents being less well-off or articulate and are therefore unable to push their agenda as the McCanns have repeatedly done for the best part of 3 years.

So more money and resource will be thrown into this doomed campaign, to rescue this blonde, blue-eyed poster girl for the overindulgent upper-middle classes, the last bastion of Britishness standing firm against the evil foreigners who will pluck your children from their beds, thumbs in mouths, like little cherubs. And if, in an improbable conclusion Madeline is found alive and well, and answering to the name 'Fatima', then the gaggle of posh idiots who think it is acceptable to abandon your children in an unfamiliar environment with minimal security so they can talk about a load of twee bollocks over a bottle of Pinot Grigio or two can continue to be irresponsible arseholes. And the taxpayer can continue to foot the bill for their ineptitude. Moral of the story being, that if you can't be arsed to look after your kids, don't bloody have them. And if you must have them, don't be surprised if things go awry when you leave them to their own fucking devices.

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