My Sports writers' job application

To whom it may concern -

Please see below my commentary on the recent Shellacking Manchester United and the loveable Wayne Rooney received at the hands of Barcelona. Barcelona didn't even have to dive or anything. Can I now have a job as a sports writer, as I can string 2 words together and I am an alcoholic, which is surely qualifies me for The Sun at least. Unfortunately, I do not absolutely adore West Ham or Harry Redknapp. I hope you will still consider me despite this glaring character flaw.

Kind regards,

Bitter Youngish Man

FC Barcelona Vs Manchester United FC Champion's League Final 2011 -live commentary













 
First Half

Barca turning the screws on the Man U scum now.

GOAL - PEDRO

It's All about Xavi, no-one can touch him.

'GOAL' - ROONEY

Typical hyperbole about Rooney! offside!

Half Time

Keano needs a haircut. Who is brave enough to tell him.

Second Half

GOAL - MESSI

So 'home' advantage meant nothing in the end, and why should it, because Man U were away, and they have been terrible away all season. They got taught another footballing lesson tonight by a side who can actually play football and pass and keep possession. It just shows how poor the premier league has been this season if these jokers can win it at a canter.

Hopefully Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and even City will stop them getting an ill deserved 20th title. Anything to stop these charmless mercenaries winning the league again. Their huge debt and their cantankerous old git of a manager perfectly illustrate what is wrong with top flight English football. Well done Barca for deconstructing a thoroughly ordinary and dislikable team. Football salutes you.

GOAL - VILLA

A good match. Akin to watching a small child pull the wings off of a fly, cruel at times, but ultimately satisfactory. Anyone else think that Clive Tyldesley should never commentate on another game involving Manchester United? He is too partisan and he sounds like he is going to cry every time UTD cede possession, which is every minute at the moment.

Full Time

I can't believe what I have just seen on the TV. 11 men being raped in a public place for the best part of 90 minutes and what's more, people are cheering. What is wrong with this country?

I saw Leo Messi clutching his arm earlier. He must have hurt it giving Manchester United a spanking.

Now that is class, letting Abidal lift the trophy first. That's why they are the best, they are a TEAM.

I have to admit, that I feel sorry for the Manchester United fans now. That journey back to Surrey will feel like a long one.

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