Steve Jobs is dead. But Apple will never die

Right now I should be writing a post about Steve Jobs being that he is dead and that I am one of the most vociferous opponents of any stupidly overpriced device which is rendered essential because of the inclusion of an 'i' before it. But as I said, he is dead, and while he lived as a savvy and Machiavellian corporate git he no doubt died as the same. However, the ugly face of revisionism is rearing its head once more as sections of the media (particularly the left) are proclaiming him to be a latter-day saint, a philanthropist, the 21st-century embodiment of Jesus Christ. A genius, up there with the likes of Einstein, Edison, Newton etc.

That is the only thing that prompts me to write. I can live with the fact that gibbering loons dribble at the prospect of the next iteration of a device which is approximately .2 millimetres thinner and a bit shinier and queue up round the block to get it. I can live with the fact that iTunes is the singular worst piece of software that I have ever used in my miserable existence. I can even live with the fact that Apple supposedly offer a 'cool' alternative against the faceless corporate might of Microsoft, despite the fact that no-one exerts more control over vendors or suppliers than Apple does. Apple is a behemoth, a monstrous entity which constantly tries to convince the world that it is not, endlessly plying its' subtly improved wares like clockwork at vastly inflated prices. But I can live with that, good luck to the shifty nobends.

But Steve Job's fans are driving me nuts. Leaving half-eaten apples and candles all over the various faceless identikit shops which plague our highs treets with their smugness and enormously inflated prices. I'm waiting for the launch of the iPhone 5, which I'm sure Apple will somehow dedicate to Steve Jobs, and adjust the price to ever more bewildering amounts accordingly. I'm waiting for the special 'Steve Jobs' edition of said phone, which will have his signature on the back of it, along with an embossed version of his death mask. Something tells me this man will never go away.

I said I wasn't going to write about Steve Jobs in the opening paragraph and in a way I haven't - preferring instead to concentrate my ire on the company itself and the uselessly stupid people who would buy a lump of turd from you put it in a plain white cardboard box and affixed a £500 price tag to it. You are all so stupid and bereft of anything approaching common sense. I hate all of you. Steve Jobs was credited with having the foresight of knowing where the market is going, and he was absolutely right; he knew, back in the '70's, that by now we would all be completely incompetent luddites with pretty much no idea about anything, so he set his mind to building devices which even retards or women could use without several hours of one-to-one instruction.

And if this was his aim, he certainly succeeded. He deserves acclaim for being the face of a corporate juggernaut that has hoodwinked so many people. It is staggering that there are actually people out there who think that Apple invented the mp3 player, the touch screen, the tablet pc, the mouse, even Graphical User Interfaces. In fact, it's not staggering, because Apple pretty much claim to have invented these things in their self-satisfied adverts. There are some people who have never transferred a music file from their computer onto a mp3 player without the disgusting inconvenience of itunes. Imagine that! These poor cretins don't know what else is out there, and probably never will, as they are incapable of even seeing any gadgets which do not have the Apple logo on them.

So, there you have it, Steve Job's true legacy is an entire generation of unfortunates who actually think that Apple is some groovy, San Francisco indie company, where the R&D guys chill out on beanbags while they nonchalantly redesign the world before lunch. His legacy is local councils spending all the money that should be spent on fixing potholes or crime prevention on iPads instead, because people are just that incapable that they can no longer use actual pads, or laptops, or far superior and cheaper tablet devices that are not made by Apple. His legacy is morons who snort with derision if you produce an android phone, or express a preference for Microsoft or Blackberry. His legacy is all the twats who clog up Starbucks with their iMacs as they pretend to write the next 'Catcher in the Rye' and not just look at girls they vaguely know on facebook. Well done Steve, you've turned us all into dense, image-obsessed fuckwits. Jobs done. LOL

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