Jeremy Kyle found beaten to death in a Manchester back alley
Bono ADMITS that he is a pretentious, hypocritical, short-arsed twat
RONAN THE BARBARIAN!!! - Down-and-out ex-boyzone star jailed for beating an old lady to death for her pension book
Jeremy Kyle found eviscerated outside a newsagents in Filey
Kim Kardashian EXCLUSIVE: "I have no discernible talent whatsoever"
Planet of the RAPES!! Sex-mad monkeys rule the roost at Whipsnade Safari Park
England Rugby Team "We are a bunch of fat cloggers who enjoy stripping naked and touching each other's tiny cocks"
DAILY MAIL EXCLUSIVE: We hate all brown people, Eastern Europeans and gays and can't be bothered to mask this fact with sloppy journalism anymore
Jeremy Kyle found beaten to death with rubber dildos in a Warrington sex shop
Carol Vorderman: "Why my eyes are no longer on speaking terms"
RONAN THE LIBRARIAN!!! - Ex-boyzone star eking a living in Macclesfield mobile library
John Terry WORLD EXCLUSIVE: "Even my mum thinks I'm a cunt"
"FAT TAX!" - People to be taxed for every additional Kilo they are overweight
KATIE PRICE MISSING - Feared disappeared up own arsehole
Jeremy Kyle accidentally fired into the moon during routine sound check
RONAN THE SEPTUAGENARIAN!!! - Forgotten ex-boyzone star celebrates his 60th birthday at Wimpy in Buckinghamshire
hello. I started off as a bitter child. For all I know I actually started as a bitter little sperm, reluctantly shuffling towards an egg that I would inevitably find fault with. Then I gravitated to a bitter young man. Now I am in my 30's so to call myself young reeks of desperation. So youngish will suffice until I hit my 40's in which case I hope I am middle aged, and thus closer to escaping my bitter existence than embarking upon it.
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