Denise Welch should be vilified, not rewarded

I finally realised that the UK had been forever lost to the pagan hordes when it was revealed that Denise Welch had conspired to win this year's Celebrity Big Brother. Slightly dramatic, you may think, but, if you digest what I write here then you won't be able to help but agree, as you tearfully write off what was once a mediocre country. I really have no business watching Celebrity Big Brother. I don't watch any other reality shows that tenuously slip 'celebrity' in the title, or indeed any reality shows that feature 'celebrities' in them but don't have the decency to forewarn you.

I'm looking at you, Strictly Come Dancing. When not being celebrated as the owner of the world's smallest head, I am led to believe that Alesha Dixon spends her time laughing like an asthmatic goat and spouting generalistic nonsense about dancing, which she is clueless about. In ejecting withered old fleshbag Arlene Phillips and bringing Alesha in, the BBC made the cardinal sin which is usually reserved for banal football pundits - someone who can play football should be equally adept at explaining the subtleties of the game, QED. Thanks for Alan Shearer, BBC! All of this makes you have to wonder why ITV have poached her. BBC's gain is surely ITV's loss in this case, as they desperately try to steer the ailing Britain's Got Talent back to profitability.

Meanwhile poor old Simon Cowell has seen his glittering empire crumble somewhat, with viewing figures taking a tumble since he can no longer be bothered to turn up for his own shows. Things like this make me smile. Perhaps the Reality TV bubble has burst. I hope so. The endless conveyer-belt of identikit regional shows trundles on inexorably, as first Essex, then Newcastle, Chelsea, Liverpool etc have vied for the dubious honour of which area can sport the most shallow and vapid people. Bar the accents, amount of fake tan and skirt lengths, all the characters are the same. they are all attention-seeking cunts. Characters are shed and replaced, as the 'brightest lights' get to leave and do more prestigious reality shows. It is truly a self-propagating genre, endlessly cycling detritus like a sewage factory.

Speaking of sewage, the original purpose of this post was to lambaste the dull-witted British public for electing a vile old soak as their champion, so I will return to the subject now. I remember when Denise Welch was a vaguely good actress, but then she joined the panel of Loose Women. For the uninitiated, 'Loose Women' is a talk show where a bunch of decrepit harpies talk about every inappropriate aspect of their personal lives and interview men in a manner which is so predatory, that record complaints would be made were the genders reversed. This cackling coven of witches have the ear of all of the embittered housewives who happen to be at home when this tawdry show is broadcast, and are revered as gods.

Half of the women on the panel are home-wrecking alcoholic whores, with Denise Welch being the 'queen bee'. If there was any doubt as to her insanity (which is evident even in small doses), this was surely put aside as she spent day after day talking about herself, crying and then getting drunk and talking about herself and crying even more. She demonstrates that she has no idea about personal space, shoving her puffy face right into other housemates' eyelines to demand attention. I think it would be fair to say that she suffers from a 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality, although in this case, Jekyll is only marginally less annoying and destructive than Hyde. She typifies a certain type of woman who only display such aggressive behaviour because they are safe in the knowledge that they will not be deservingly punched in the face.

She pulled her droopy breasts out on several occasions, none of which were merited. She crawled into a Jacuzzi (in only her knickers) with a 19-year old lad when she has kids of her own around that age. She bawled at the drop of a hat. She spoke about herself endlessly. She bullied other people in the house and then turned on the tears to play the victim when people took exception. She attempted to remove the trousers of another woman in the house, and justified her behaviour by saying that she does that to her mates all the time. I'd feel sorry for her mates if they weren't all also middle-aged, drunken idiots.

She seems to permanently exist in some quasi-feminist bubble, where she really believes that her behaviour and obvious alcoholism is acceptable. I'd feel sorry for her if I had any charity in me, but I don't. Her issues should be rewarded with a sacking and a prolonged stint in the Priory, not rewarded. So that's why I know that we're doomed. If the majority of people watching Celebrity Big Brother (and I know that's not saying much) really believe that Denise Welch was the most worthy winner of that show then what does that say about us. It says that we're fucked.


  1. and yet you still watched it

  2. hope springs eternal. I wanted Frankie to win, because he actually seemed quite nice away from the X Factor Hype machine. Michael Madson was good value. Romeo was a bit boring but likeable, same for Gareth. The twins were amusing. Any of those would have made me happy, but for a fleeting moment.

  3. Before Big Les. Yes !!!!

  4. I think Big Les is disgruntled because of what I said about Scotland :(

  5. You seem to know an awful lot about a show that you dont bother watching...
    Two faced Prat!

  6. Hi there, ROFL...
    no seriously - ROFL and LOL
    Hilarious - i too, do not like all these shows, also - if i was a celebrity i would never go on them... i would have the dignity and mind power to say no.
    Just out of interest - with the fact that you have an AWESOME blog, does that make you semi famous? i think you should apply to BIG BROTHER CELEBRITY 2012... that way, you can blog verbally 24/7 .... AND - we get to watch you 24/7.. if we really wanted too.? just a thought..

    Reg - Anonymous @ 3.07am - firstly, what a stupid name, is that Polish or something? please refer to the blog about travellers - LOL.
    also - yes, so what, you posted before me... well done.. but it doesn't mean the people like your post better than mine... this is WALES, the country that had free speech etched into the minds of all people...
    plus - i was meant to get an alert for a new blog post, just so you know, i have started making an App for the adroid market ( we have Apple we do ) to read this blog directly and have SMS alerts set up, so will need to tweek that part...
    will let you know when available..
    anyway, till the next AWESOME informative blog...

    pps- Anonymous - You have commented on this blog HEAPS more than me, your name is all over the place... get a life!
    and maybe he was watching the show FOR Blog purposes, not for the ENTERTAINMENT factor... think before your fat fingers type on the keyboard... till next time.
    as they say in Spain, arrivederci.

  7. Where did I state that I didn't watch Celebrity Big Brother? I've been watching it for years. Read again, son.

  8. Reading this a little "late", So I've missed the boat one more time in my life!, what's new?

    Excellent reading apart from the comments, which are poor.
    Couldn't agree more with the description of Loose Women, bunch of wasted tarts.

  9. Well, there is always an outcome.