Indignant Proposal

Yesterday should have been a reminder of how insignificant we are - how we have to add a day every 4 years to compensate for magnificent, cosmic events outside of our control. Like a watch that runs a tiny bit too slow, every four years us earthlings must readjust ourselves to get back into step with the celestial rhythms that are happening beyond the confines of our stinking mudball. As a bitter young child, leap years were one of the few things that fascinated me, if only because they wreaked havoc with all the scrooges who wanted to reuse their calendars.

So I am quite annoyed that the only mentions of this year's extra day were related to women being 'allowed' to propose. Men all over the world must have made whatever excuses they could to be apart from their girlfriends yesterday - deciding instead to do a spot of spelunking or going to work in an oil rig. In fact, the only safe place to be was deep in the bowels of the earth, just to make sure that a poorly-spelled text message didn't find it's way across within the allotted 24 hours. Even the FA tried to reduce the window of opportunity for women by arranging the England-Holland game for the same day.

The poor men who couldn't escape yesterday were screwed. Say 'yes', and you're married, say 'no' and you're single.  So saying 'no' to a woman regarding such an important question is bound to result in a breakup. It's normally men who have to take most of the risks in a relationship; To meet a mate, they have to saunter up to an unimpressed lady and her entourage whilst dancing like a spasming epileptic, or try online dating, where deranged harridans who are too odd for the real world lie in wait.

Men typically have to decide when the opportune moment is to introduce their penises into the relationship, and then hope that said introduction isn't met with raucous laughter or tears of disappointment. Toughest of all, men have an unenviable 1460-day stint in which it is their job to propose. But, as men are well used to being told 'no' by women, they can take the quite probable rejection with good grace. Women, on the other hand, aren't used to being told 'no' by men, and will cry and sulk and jump up and down and scream until they are sick to get their way.

Women just cannot be trusted to ask questions of this magnitude. Something needs to be done about this. I propose that this silly, politically-correct right to propose once every leap year is removed from the grasping hands of females forthwith, and restored solely to men, as it should be. I realise that this complicates things somewhat for lesbians, so the job will go to the most butch one of the couple. There are certain things which are just best left to men - such as driving, operating complicated machinery, voting and receiving an education. To all the ladies out there I impart the following wisdom - Never ask a question if you are not prepared to take 'no' for an answer.

1 comment:

  1. They are driving now ???

    Still here before BigLes by the way. Starting to question his/her commitment frankly...