John Terry - what a stupid cunt

In life, there will always be people we like, and people we don't like. Sometimes there will be disagreements about which individuals are likeable and dislikable which can lead to conflict - thus adding one more 'dislike' to each of the combatant's lists. Thankfully, there are also people out there like John Terry, who everyone agrees (outside perhaps of his immediate family) is a complete tool. Terry finally reached his Nadir when he was sent off playing for Chelsea at the Nou Camp on Tuesday, by trying to weasel his way out of his thuggish behaviour and deserved dismissal. Below, I present an abridged history of Terry's bad behaviour, which has culminated in his latest act of selfish stupidity. I hope you enjoy it.

2001 - As a young man, Terry infamously shouted vile abuse about the decimation of the World Trade Center to passing American tourists, one day after the 9-11 attacks. Most people with a relatively operational moral compass surmised at this point that Terry was a cunt of the highest order. Unfortunately, Chelsea fans were unable to see it, concentrating instead on his previous 'good character' and his relatively young age as reasons for mitigation.

Taunting American people one day after the worst terrorist attack in US history - Check

2008 - Terry would later display the kind of staggering arrogance epitomised by the majority of English footballers when he elected to wedge his massive Bentley into a clearly-marked disabled parking space. He did this despite the availability of an actual car park less than 50 yards away, but then we all know how long it takes Terry to cover 50 yards these days. Never fast in his prime, he now has the pace of an obese walrus. Bloody disabled people don't deserve to eat, anyway. Chelsea fans shrugged this off as an 'honest mistake'.

Complete disregard for people who are not as able-bodied or rich as him - Check

2010 - There has always been something a bit nasty about Terry, or 'JT' as the fawning media called him, back when it was acceptable to laud him as some sort of granite-hewn deity who would put his thick head on the line for club and country. Many admired him for his attitude on the pitch, but his reputation was further stained when he decided to shag the missus of a team-mate who had a kid with her. It goes without saying that Terry had his own wife and kids dutifully waiting at home for him. Chelsea fans merely whistled ignorance when asked about this latest episode of twattery.

Having the morals of a sewer rat and being the worst friend ever - Check

This finally prompted Fabio Capello to strip 'JT' of his captaincy, and people were up in arms. 'It has nothing to do with football!' they would protest, even though he had done the dirty on an erstwhile and potential England team-mate, who had lots of other friends in the England team; clearly it had everything to do with football. I don't remember Bobby Moore 'having a go' on Geoff Hurst's missus back in '66. But then Capello inexplicably gave Terry the England captaincy back, until:

2011 - The immensely likeable England and Chelsea captain is, allegedly a massive racist, who allegedly called Anton Ferdinand some allegedly racist names on several occasions during a game in which his beloved Chelsea lost to the might of QPR. Terry will not answer to these allegations until after Euro 2012, in which England will inevitable get knocked out in the Quarter Finals (if they get that far) and everyone will laugh at Terry's puffy, crying face. Chelsea fans mumbled something about Terry not being racist, before scuttling back to their surrey homes and refusing to answer the door.

Allegedly being a massive, stupid racist idiot - Check

2012 - Until 'That night in Barcelona' (© Clive Tyldesley) 'JT' had represented himself on the pitch reasonably well. That was until he decided to knee an opponent up the plums without apparent provocation, earning a well-deserved red card. Perhaps Terry didn't like the way the guy wasn't looking at him. This left his team to be ran ragged for the best part of an hour with 10 men, who miraculously prevailed without him. It's occasions like these where a 'mea culpa' is required to appease the fans who paid through the nose to watch you.

Unfortunately, Terry decided to come up with an excuse that didn't fool anyone, when he claimed that he had started to run in anticipation of his opponent doing the same, but then didn't. Now I know that Terry is slow, but even he pitches his body forward and moves his arms as he runs. What he doesn't do, is stand perfectly straight, and then violently bring one knee up to a position where testicles may or may not be situated, and then bring it down again, all while sporting the best 'fuck you' expression I have ever seen. Chelsea fans finally realised at this point, that not only is Terry a philandering, allegedly racist twat, he also has no respect for his own supporters, selling them an implausible story rather than be honest about whatever happened that day.

Behaving like a petulant child and thus very nearly ruining your club's chances of progression to a final, and then hilariously backtracking and taking each and every one of your supporters for absolute mugs - Check

I hope that Chelsea now go on to beat Bayern Munich (who made Ronaldo cry - Thanks Bayern!) and that Terry wells up as his team-mates deservedly lift the coveted trophy without him. Have to love karma.


  1. Holy holy Magajoly!!!

    JT - this clown just does not let up!!! He reminds me of a young Andre Agassi... He should NEVER have been allowed to walk around with hair like his.. nor break the tennis code of conduct and wear colourful attire.

    My dear bitter friend, i think you have hit the bullet with your head on this one. Top grade stuff, the above mentioned things are spot on - JT is an absolute joke to our wonderful nation and he does not do his Jewish history proud!

    Did you know that his dad was born in Rafat, a little village in Israel? did he know actually? His dad was distraught after hearing him shout abuse to those nice Iraqis' after 9/11...

    i have many a people in this little bubble of total twatness in my life... many people closer than i would like - however - the best way to deal with these types are to either shoot them in the foot or rip your ears off.

    any way... i have next week off, perhaps i will bump into you, in your local coffee shop ?

    say - wednesday - 5.30pm ?

    till then- as the Italians say - Au Revoir!

  2. You've barely scratched the surface on this vile man! People who have had the misfortune to meet him have seen for themselves the type of character he is. Despicable.

  3. "I hope that Chelsea now go on to beat Bayern Munich (who made Ronaldo cry - Thanks Bayern!) and that Terry wells up as his team-mates deservedly lift the coveted trophy without him. Have to love karma."

    JT says fuck you to karma and collects the trophy anyway! What a phenomenal display of arseness.

  4. @BYM. Hope you'll be updating this with Terry's deluded parading with the CL trophy decked out in his kit and even shin pads, when he was banned from playing because of his previous twattery.

  5. And now he can fuck off into obscurity safe in the knowledge that your team stopped Tottenham winning the league whilst you were the shittest team in the league (and united have van gaal) surrounded by family that will leave as soon as you waste your money on cocaine and prostitutes whilst you retire in some shit league nobody cares about. A disgrace to England just like Chelsea